Short
Arnold
Lara MMax Brenner - Chocolate by the Ugly Bald Man
June 7th 2006 12:30
It seems that specialty chocolate cafés called ‘Max Brenner – Chocolate by the Bald Man’ have been popping up everywhere in Sydney. There is now one in Darlinghurst, Chatswood, Manly, Double Bay and Parramatta just for starters. These cafes specialise in chocolatey dishes including Italian hot chocolate, chocolate fondue, cakes and the like. Sounds good doesn’t it?
Well it is not.
Due to ‘store policy’ I was unable to photograph the inside of the place, so let me instead paint a picture in your mind with my words. The décor is like a rip off of Gloria Jeans, kind of tacky wood panelling with wanky slogans across the walls. People are generally impressed by the huge vats and pipes that run across the place supposedly containing chocolate, but as if it isn’t just brown sludge water. The wait staff are kind of snobby and serving sizes to price ratios are what you would expect from a place in Darlinghurst. Have you noticed that all the suburbs that have a franchise are generally populated with people who are snooty with high expendable incomes? (With the exception of Parramatta, though it might be like that if they kicked out the junkies) Generally the place has an aura of mediocrity thinly concealed by an uppity outlook.
Max Brenner - ‘Chocolate by the Baldman’. What the hell kind of slogan is that anyway? Are we supposed to know who Max Brenner is, and why is he so defiantly bald? Does he have leukaemia or is it simply hereditary male baldness covered up with a neat shave? And is it just me, or is their something very unappetising about associating your chocolate with a random man’s bald head?
So who is this Max Brenner character anyway? There are several mysterious clues. Well, basically only one actually. Next door to the chocolate eatery in Darlinghurst is a doctor’s practise with the words ‘M. Brenner’ on the door! The plot thickens! It almost seems as if he is trying to make people sick from eating too much chocolate in order to create a reciprocal boost for his medical practise. Ah-ha!
I’ve decided to delve further into his identity. The sign and napkins are decorated with a sketchy image of an ugly bad man, just so you don’t forget that you are buying chocolate from a bald man! You can even wipe the left over brown stains off your face onto the napkin so that they instead smear lovingly across his.
According to the Age, Max Brenner is from Israel, and everything on the menu, including soufflés and cakes are imported direct from this country. This could potentially contradict my doctor conspiracy theory. Could it be a simple coincidence? Could the doctor next door actually be a ‘Michael Brenner’ or ‘Michelle Brenner’?
I haven’t been able to source any further information on the subject, though I have spoken to a girl who once worked at the Darlinghurst shop and claimed, “he was mean”.
Well it is not.
Due to ‘store policy’ I was unable to photograph the inside of the place, so let me instead paint a picture in your mind with my words. The décor is like a rip off of Gloria Jeans, kind of tacky wood panelling with wanky slogans across the walls. People are generally impressed by the huge vats and pipes that run across the place supposedly containing chocolate, but as if it isn’t just brown sludge water. The wait staff are kind of snobby and serving sizes to price ratios are what you would expect from a place in Darlinghurst. Have you noticed that all the suburbs that have a franchise are generally populated with people who are snooty with high expendable incomes? (With the exception of Parramatta, though it might be like that if they kicked out the junkies) Generally the place has an aura of mediocrity thinly concealed by an uppity outlook.
Max Brenner - ‘Chocolate by the Baldman’. What the hell kind of slogan is that anyway? Are we supposed to know who Max Brenner is, and why is he so defiantly bald? Does he have leukaemia or is it simply hereditary male baldness covered up with a neat shave? And is it just me, or is their something very unappetising about associating your chocolate with a random man’s bald head?
So who is this Max Brenner character anyway? There are several mysterious clues. Well, basically only one actually. Next door to the chocolate eatery in Darlinghurst is a doctor’s practise with the words ‘M. Brenner’ on the door! The plot thickens! It almost seems as if he is trying to make people sick from eating too much chocolate in order to create a reciprocal boost for his medical practise. Ah-ha!
I’ve decided to delve further into his identity. The sign and napkins are decorated with a sketchy image of an ugly bad man, just so you don’t forget that you are buying chocolate from a bald man! You can even wipe the left over brown stains off your face onto the napkin so that they instead smear lovingly across his.
The photo I was taking when I got told off
According to the Age, Max Brenner is from Israel, and everything on the menu, including soufflés and cakes are imported direct from this country. This could potentially contradict my doctor conspiracy theory. Could it be a simple coincidence? Could the doctor next door actually be a ‘Michael Brenner’ or ‘Michelle Brenner’?
I haven’t been able to source any further information on the subject, though I have spoken to a girl who once worked at the Darlinghurst shop and claimed, “he was mean”.
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Comment by shaz
Comment by Luke
Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior
Comment by Anonymous
Maybe you should comment on the actual food itself if you are a so called "foodie" and not comment on the fact that you got ur ego shot down for a night because you couldnt take photos. If it was connected to a shopping centre then it definately would have that policy and a security guard can easily force you to take the picture off your camera if it is digital.
Not meaning to sound rude but people read these kind of blogs and think they shouldnt go there because it wont be nice. I cant actually recall you commenting on the actual taste of the food though. I would call you, not a foodie, but a general critic who would love to point out anything wrong and find little points to complain about! this site is called food.org.au..... not interior designing.org.au
Comment by Luke
Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Anonymous
tis a bit random the whole baldness deal.
i spose u cant exactly call it.. "that guy from israel who makes heaps of stuff from chocolate who's bald, he also has 3 kids and enjoys table tennis and stamp collecting" i dont think their plaques are that large
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Anonymous
Before commenting on this place you need to actually go in and try it out. You will be pleasantly surprised!
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Luke
Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior
Comment by Shani
Clearly this article requires a post script;
1. My opinions are my own and I wouldn’t expect everyone to share them. They are certainly nothing to get upset about.
2. Eating is a cultural experience, and the environment in which you dine, especially when eating out, it is a significant part of the experience. If it is over crowded, noisy and tacky then this will naturally affect the quality of the experience.
4. In particular, I was disappointed because of how much hype I had heard previously, I was expecting something better than average.
3. The chocolate is obviously of a higher quality than what you would get in McCafe, but if you like chocolate there are other contenders. Why not try;
Lindt Café (Sydney)
Really Long Link
Koko Black (Melbourne)
Really Long Link
Paragon Café (Blue Mountains)
Really Long Link
Comment by Anonymous
max b's is gooood
Comment by shaz
My hot chocolate was okay but only luke warm and crepes that I ordered were really overpriced for the size of what you get! piddly sized crepes with a poor excuse of a scoop of icecream on the side! but that wasn't the worst of it they also charged me a 10% levy because it was a Saturday! thats a new one! I understand paying that on a public holiday but NOT on a Saturday! I think it is really rude to charge people extra and not tell them that you are doing that! isn't that against the law?
Anyway MAX BRENNER you are a very greedy man! and you won't be getting any more of my money any time soon.
Comment by uggbooy
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Anonymous
I have noticed that staff members at MB like to state that the reasons why the lines are so long and the service is so slow is because MB was "underestimated" as a business and the response has been just too overwhelming. Then why are the new stores that are opening no larger than the rest of them? Why not have more than 1 register in each store so that orders can be taken at double speed? Why not try table service?
I think that MB is only making any money at all through word of mouth as people advise one another of how great the food and drinks are there. I agree that the hot chocolates and chocolate dips and licks are to die for, yet at $6 a pop for a hot chocolate that you could get anywhere else for almost half that it should be fantastic. The frappes are abysmal and tasted merely like milk with some crushed up chocolate pieces in the bottom of the cup. Not very impressed with them for $7 a go. I don't agree that one receives value for money and I think that the reason why people pay MB's exorbitant prices is because they generally think that the food and/or drinks are worth that. Certainly if the quality was great AND the service was equally as good I may be more inclined to spend what I would at a cafe meal on chocolate.
And for the record, it is illegal (at least in NSW) to charge ANY surcharge on ANY day of the year, Sundays and public holidays included. Consumers are not required by law to pay extra on certain days where staff members are paid penalty rates; it is up to the employer to ensure that this is factored into pricing. And surely MB charges enough for its products already without forcing an additional 10 or 20% on top!
People who are making personal comments about posters on here or who are asking people to 'stop slagging Max Brenner' - this is a public forum for public opinion. You don't have to agree with my opinion or anyone else's for that matter but there is no need to make personally denigrating comments or be disrespectful of someone else's right to express their opinion freely. I am also aware that some people on here may indeed work for MB's, and in the interest of keeping customers and a job, will be making comments that MB is spectacular. In addition, there may be people on here who work for competing companies, who are doing the opposite. I am a genuine consumer with a genuine opinion, that MB's offers great quality, but with poor service and overpriced items.